What family doesn’t want their son to marry an intelligent, attractive woman?
Not saying that I personally believe intelligence is measured by educational standing, but just explaining that it isn’t far from the standards we set in the West.
This definitely struck a chord with me and I anticipated gathering more opinions on the matter during my trip to South Korea! An example he gave was seeing Western women kissing in the club, or sleeping with Korean men on the first night.
I was able to have a sort of round table discussion with two Korean men who are interested in dating Black women, (“D.”, a 23 year old South Korean student and “W.”, a 24 year old South Korean serving in the military) as well as a Black woman who is interested in Korean men (“M.”, a Black female college grad, newly arrived in South Korea from Japan). He explained that Korean women care more about looks and money, while Western women care more about “swag”.
We all sat together in the common area of our guesthouse and the discussion got real, really fast! Although he admitted he has yet to date a Black woman seriously, they usually wind up being good friends instead, he’s willing and open to being in a deeper relationship with a woman of color. All In The Family Being accepted by family is always an important part of a relationship, but in Korea familial approval means everything. Both men explained that their families are accepting of their interracial dating interests and, in general, a Korean family would be accepting of a Black woman as long as she’s physically attractive and highly educated.
Let’s Talk About Sex Personally, I know many Black women are concerned that men of other races are just into dating for fun, or for physical/sexual reasons. From my limited understanding I assumed that a Black woman wouldn’t be easily accepted into a Korean family, but according to D. Yes, those are pretty vain standards but they’re also pretty standard.
As a Black woman it’s easy to feel undesired by men of all races.
We’re told by the media, and sometimes to our faces, that we’re less beautiful, more brash, and too independent to be considered marriage material. M, our lone Black woman, doesn’t think most Korean men see Black women as marriage material, and instead see them as exotic notches to add to their belt.
The beauty part is the most ironic to me, considering that our features and cultural style choices are often celebrated on Non-Black women (full lips, wide hips, braids, etc). “I run into a lot of guys who think its exotic”, she said, “and just want to know what the sex is like.” And surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly, W. He said, “in general Korean guys don’t like Black women because they’re afraid, but they’re curious about sleeping with them.” Although D.
Specifically on this blog, a contributor, a Black woman, shared her story of rejection by a Korean man whose mother wouldn’t let him continue dating her. it’s all about Black women’s “atmosphere”, aka their personalities, and their style. doesn’t personally see Black women as sexual objects, he did admit that Korean men see “Westerners” as a whole as “easy” and more sexually “open”.
[Related: 4 Black K-Pop Artists You Should Know] The Grass is Greener?
When it comes to why they enjoy dating outside of their race, each person gave a pretty unique answer.
To M., who has never been with a Black man, she says it’s about the mental connection, and that it’s more about the “foreign” aspect than race. According to M., American men play too many games, while foreign men are more straight forward.